Editor's Note : A Man's Perspective on Dating, the Disconnect


Sooo, I'm Single. Anyone else? I remember when I turned 29 and my ex and I had broken up. I was ashamed to admit it, especially to some family of my family members . My aunt would call me from Paris on Whatsapp once a month. "Do you have a boyfriend? " she would ask. For the past three years I had been giving her the same response . If only she knew that here in America, being single for the past three years to me felt like a"new normal". 

During this time, 1 out of 4 women that I had spoken to had a boyfriend or was married. The others would be single or talking to someone, but no commitment ."Girl, these men ain't sh**", said 2 out of the 4 women. Little did they know that some of the men on the dating scene were also saying the same thing about women.

One of my last conversations online was with a man who had recently changed many of his profile photos, from himself ,to his new and cleaned apartment. "Want to come over and watch a movie and have some wine?" he asked. "I have a new apartment". I
politely declined and said "No, I don't go to strangers homes but if we continue talking, you can take me out." The usual response was "un-matching", however; this time I waited for a response.  "I get it," he said. "But honestly, I'm not going on anymore dates. I'm not getting handled anymore. I have spent way too much money on dates all summer long with women who don't end up being around for long". He then went on to say "My last partner and I did things for each other. I want something like that. Sometimes she would pay for me or cook for me, we did it for each other. Nowadays the women just expect you to take them out to an expensive restaurant on the first date and pay".  Seeing the long message on the screen reminded me of myself for some reason. Sometimes I just wanted to be heard. I went ahead and called him on the app. 

"Hello" he said. " Hi, I'm so and so ( Ya'll know I can't give you my online name ha)".  "I'm calling you because I want to hear more about what you have to say, but I do not want to hear about your ex ". So there we were on the phone for almost 25 minutes. I listened to him for about 15 minutes and the other 10 I had told him that I had heard other men share similar experiences and perspectives and I wanted to write a blog on this. Many of the women he had taken out this past summer,  put on new outfits, got their hair done, and nails done; all just to go out and take pictures for "Snapchat" and "the Gram ". At least that's how it felt. With all of the pictures and phone-calls in between , There was barely any attention for Mr. Man. I remembered my previous partner complaining about the same thing. "You're always on the phone and taking pictures for social media but what about me?" he said.

Ladies, This is just a little reminder that men have hearts too. Not saying that we all do some of the things I have mentioned above, but for those who can relate, as my mom would say "Treat people how you want to be treated". If we want to get somewhere and meet someone nice, we have to put in effort too. Now, I'm not saying be a fool and date anyone, but if you meet someone  kind, respectful and who has some of the qualities you like; take it one day at a time, listen to him and be attentive. Don't get upset if he doesn't take you out on an exquisite date the first date,  perhaps you can mention an idea for the second one. It's the thought that counts. By the way, A lot of men use the first date as a test trial from what I have heard. So if you like him and think you two may have some potential, be considerate of his time as well. We are Queens, but they are Kings too.  

Be Encouraged,